Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
