After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
