Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
