I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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