What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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