I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
