I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I am morally bankrupt
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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