just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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