We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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