i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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