Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
