About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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