omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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