Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize