Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
