That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
