2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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