I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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