i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
