i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
