just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
