Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
