he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
