you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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