I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
