I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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