too bad you live with your parents still
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
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how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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