its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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