let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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