i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
