so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
