I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently you make a good broom.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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