so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Please don't give away my fajitas
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