Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
