You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
