last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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