your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize