the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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