I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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