I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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