Who wears a wallet chain?!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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