We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
