Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
