I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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