Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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