Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
