party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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