It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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