so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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