I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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