Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
