Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
