i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
