Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
