His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
