so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
