This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
