if you like me you must not know who I am
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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