got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
