Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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