I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
