There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
