Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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