I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
