Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
