Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
