Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
