I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
