did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
