my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
