I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
